This blog is all about a brilliant book called The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.
I first heard Mel Robbins talk about ‘The Let Them Theory’ on a couple of podcasts, and it sounded a simple but incredibly powerful concept. Something that could be game-changing, even life-changing, for a lot of people.
I got the audiobook – it is brilliantly narrated by the author herself – and listened to it in just four days. The way Mel Robbins describes the concept is so relatable and makes a lot of sense.
It’s one of the best books I’ve read (or listened to) for a while, so I felt compelled to do this blog to share how good it is, and why it’s well worth checking out.
I also recorded a podcast about it, which you can find here:
What is “The Let Them Theory”?
The core idea behind The Let Them Theory is about letting go of the need to control or influence others, and instead focusing on your own thoughts, reactions, boundaries and goals.
It’s about recognising that we can’t change or control other people—their choices, actions, or opinions. Instead, we can free ourselves from a lot of unnecessary stress by simply letting them be who they are and do what they’re going to do.
For example:
If someone is critical of you… Let them.
When someone cancels plans last minute? Let them.
If someone disagrees with how you’re living your life… Let them.
It may sound like you’re letting people off the hook, but in reality, it’s about reclaiming your energy.
When you stop trying to control what you can’t, you free yourself to focus on the only thing you can control: you.
Why “Let Them” is Life-Changing
1. It Reduces Stress
When you stop trying to control what others do or think, you immediately feel lighter.
Stress is something none of us need more of. Yet we often create unnecessary stress by worrying about others’ actions, expectations, or opinions. Saying “let them” can be a powerful relief.
2. It Empowers You
Mel Robbins also introduces the idea of following “let them” with “let me” – bringing the focus back to you.
By saying, “Let them,” and then, “Let me choose how to respond,” you shift your energy to the things you can affect. Your mindset, your boundaries, and the actions you take for yourself.
3. It Strengthens Relationships
Ironically, letting go of the need to control others often leads to healthier, more authentic relationships. By choosing where to direct your energy, you create space for more acceptance, less friction, and more connection.
4. It Supports Your Well-Being
This is especially relevant for women, like a lot of my online coaching clients, who are working on losing weight and improving their health.
When we get caught up in frustration and stress over others’ actions, it can drain the energy and motivation we need to take care of ourselves.
For example:
– Feeling upset with someone might sap your energy and motivation to do the walk or prep the healthy meal you’d planned to make.
– Stress or resentment might trigger emotional eating or the need for comfort from food or alcohol.
By adopting “let them,” you free yourself from these energy-draining emotions. This shift allows you to focus on self-care, staying consistent with your workouts, and nourishing your body in a way that supports your goals. It’s about channeling your mental energy into actions that move you forward, rather than being stuck in frustration over things you can’t change.
5. It Encourages Acceptance
Acceptance is key to inner peace. By practicing “let them,” you learn to embrace life’s unpredictability. People will do what they want to do, and that’s okay. This mindset not only reduces stress but also fosters compassion – for yourself and others.
Practical Applications of “Let Them” for Weight Loss
Here’s how you can use this concept in your weight loss journey:
– When Others Offer Unsolicited Advice:
If someone comments on your eating habits or fitness routine, let them. Their opinion doesn’t define your journey.
– When Family or Friends Tempt You with Unhealthy Foods:
Let them enjoy what they’re eating, and feel proud of doing what’s best for you. You can stay focused on your choices without needing to change theirs.
– When Life Feels Overwhelming:
If unexpected events disrupt your routine, let them. Don’t get stressed out by what you can’t do – remember at no point do you need to do it perfectly. Consistency is what matters most. Focus on what you can control – like finding small ways to stay active, making the best food choices available, or making a plan that will make healthy choices easier tomorrow.
Overcoming Challenges with “Let Them”
Letting go can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re a natural fixer or people-pleaser. Here are some tips to help:
1. Start Small: Practice “let them” in minor situations to build your confidence.
2. Remind Yourself of the Benefits: Reflect on how much lighter and more focused you feel when you let go.
3. Practice Mindfulness: Use deep breathing or meditation to ground yourself when you feel the urge to control.
4. Journal About It: Write down situations where you’ve applied “let them” and note the positive outcomes.
It’s important to note that “let them” doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior or neglecting your boundaries. It’s about recognising where your control ends and making peace with that. Mel Robbins explains this in much greater detail in the book.
Final Thoughts on The Let Them Theory
The Let Them Theory is a powerful concept that relieve a lot of stress and improve your life. It’s a daily choice to prioritise your peace over control. By letting go of what you can’t control, you free yourself to focus on your health, happiness, and the goals that truly matter to you. If you’re someone who’s working on losing weight, and struggle with stress, overwhelm and self sabotage, this mindset shift can be transformational.
I highly recommend checking out Mel Robbins’ book to dive deeper into this concept. It’s been incredibly helpful for me, and I think it could be for you too. Essentially, by saying “let them,” you give yourself the freedom to say, “Let me live my best life.”
Here’s a link to find the book on amazon:
The Let Them Theory
And finally, if you’re looking for all the guidance, encouragement and support you need to help you reach your goals, check out the link below for more information about online coaching:
Online Weight Loss Coaching with Hayley
