Why Trying Harder in January Rarely Works (And What to Do Instead)

Why “trying harder” doesn’t work for weight loss…

January has a reputation for being the month we finally get ourselves together.

We try harder.
We get stricter.
We tell ourselves this is the year – and we’re going to start as we mean to go on.

That often looks like:

• Cutting things out “for a while”

• No alcohol, no sugar

• Picking one key habit and promising we’ll stick to it no matter what

And yet, for so many women, January still feels… exhausting.

You’ve just come out of Christmas and new year – a busy, social, often emotionally loaded time.
You might have had a few days to recover, but they’re often filled with doing, finishing things off, and eating foods that don’t necessarily leave you feeling great.

It’s also dark. Cold.
The excitement of Christmas has gone, social plans dry up, and Spring feels a long way off.

So we start with the best intentions, but motivation quickly fades.
Life gets in the way again.
And it can feel like the same story repeats itself year after year.

This isn’t because you’re lazy or undisciplined.

And this blog isn’t about telling you to do more or try harder.

Because in my experience – both personally and through coaching hundreds of women – trying harder is rarely what leads to lasting change.

What does make the difference is:

• How you see yourself

• How you speak to yourself

• And how much you trust yourself

That’s what we’re going to talk about. If you’d prefer to listen to this rather than read it, check out my podcast episode on the same topic here:

Why Trying Harder Often Backfires

A lot of women go into January with an internal story that sounds like this:

“I need to be more disciplined.”
“This time I need to do better.”
“I have to stop messing around and try harder.”

The problem is, when we start from criticism and not feeling good enough, the behaviour that follows is usually driven by guilt or pressure.

We try to force ourselves into habits we think we should follow.
We do the things we think we should be doing.
And we try to lose weight from a place of frustration and self-doubt.

That often feels like white-knuckling your way through January.

The classic “trying harder” approach usually looks like:

• Very strict rules around food or alcohol

• More workouts than are realistic, or workouts so intense you can barely sit down for days

• Big promises you don’t actually have the time or energy to keep

And when those promises inevitably wobble?

The inner critic takes over:

• “Here we go again.”

• “I knew I wouldn’t stick to it.”

• “I just don’t have what it takes.”

That self-criticism erodes your self-trust.
It adds to your brain’s evidence bank of reasons why “this doesn’t work for me”.

How Your Brain Filters Reality (And Keeps You Stuck)

We all have something called a Reticular Activating System (RAS) – essentially a filter in the brain.

There is far too much information coming at us for the brain to process everything, so it filters based on what we already believe to be true.

If deep down you believe:

“I can’t lose weight.”

Your brain will actively look for evidence to support that belief:

• Times you’ve tried before and it didn’t work

• Other people losing weight quickly while you struggle

• Scale fluctuations that seem to prove you’ve failed

At the same time, it filters out fairer explanations, like:

• Your goals may not have been realistic

• You didn’t give it enough time

• Under-tracking (which is very easy to do)

• Hormones or water retention masking fat loss

• Loss of muscle making fat loss harder – something that takes time to rebuild

When you understand this, something powerful happens.

Because when you start to shift how you see yourself, you start to change your brain’s filters. And suddenly you begin to notice evidence that you can do this.

We Don’t Change by Forcing Behaviour – We Change by Shifting Identity

This is the part that’s missing for so many people.

We don’t change by forcing new behaviours.
We change by becoming someone new.

Someone who explains this incredibly well is world-renowned motivational speaker and mindset guru Tony Robbins.

You may or may not be familiar with his work, but he talks extensively about identity and behaviour change. One of his core ideas is this:

“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”

In other words, if deep down you see yourself as:

• “Someone who always falls off”

• “Someone who can’t be trusted around certain foods”

• “Someone who starts strong but never finishes”

No amount of motivation will override that identity for long.

You will always drift back towards the person you believe yourself to be.

As Tony Robbins puts it:

“You’re not supposed to find yourself. You build yourself. You decide who you’re becoming.”

And that decision matters.

A Better Question to Ask This January

When we think about trying to reach our goals, we often ask:

“What do I need to do?”

Of course, this is a very important consideration. But to help us to actually be consistent with those actions, a more powerful question to ask is:

“Who do I want to be?”

Or:

“What type of person do I need to become to have the results I want?”

Our brains often jump straight to extremes:

• “I’ll have to live a boring life”

• “I’ll have to say no to everything”

• “This will mean I’ll have to avoid social events”

• “I’m going to have to train for an hour four times a week”

That’s all-or-nothing thinking – and it’s one of the biggest reasons people stay stuck.

You can enjoy your life and still reach your goals.

But maybe you need to become someone who:

• Looks after herself

• Keeps her promises to herself

• Treats her body with care and respect

• Doesn’t give up on herself when progress is slow

Every small action you take is a vote for an identity – either the one you want, or the one that keeps you stuck.

Why Self-Compassion Builds Consistency

Self-compassion is often misunderstood as “letting yourself off the hook”.

In reality, it does the opposite.

When we’re harsh and critical, we drain our own energy and motivation – making consistent action less likely.

Self-criticism tends to lead to:

• Rebellion

• Giving up

• All-or-nothing cycles

Compassion creates safety. Calm. Resilience.

It sounds like:

• “I’m proud of myself for trying.”

• “I did a lot right today — I’m not going to dwell on one mistake.”

• “What can I learn from this?”

• “What would actually help me right now?”

If you want to change how you behave, you have to change how you speak to yourself – especially on tired, stressful days.

Building Self-Trust Through Small Promises

Self-belief doesn’t come from positive thinking.

It comes from evidence.

And evidence comes from keeping promises to yourself – especially small ones.

Things like:

• A 10-minute walk

• One short strength session

• Making a supportive food choice

• Stopping when you’re comfortably full

None of this is exciting or dramatic.

But it’s powerful.

Because confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you do what you say you’ll do.

A Calmer Way to Approach January

If January usually feels overwhelming, try this instead:

1. Decide who you want to become
   One simple sentence.

2. Choose one to three small habits
   Not everything.

3. Treat consistency as success
   Not perfection.

4. When you miss a day, reset kindly
   Don’t turn it into a story about who you are.

This is how self-trust is built.

How Online Coaching Can Provide The Missing Link

This is exactly how I coach the women I work with.

Not by pushing harder.
Not by setting extreme rules.
But by helping them become someone they trust around food, movement and health.

If January usually feels like a battle with yourself, coaching gives you a completely different experience – one that actually lasts.

A Free Resource to Help You Start

I’ve created a free Goals & Reflection Sheet that ties in with everything we’ve talked about here.

It helps you:

• Reflect on lessons from 2025

• Decide who you want to be in 2026

• Choose a small number of realistic habits

• Plan for dips in motivation so you stay consistent

You can download it for free here – Goals Sheet

You don’t need to try harder this year.
You just need a better starting point.

If you’d love personalised support in 2026 to lose weight, get stronger, improve your relationship with food, and keep the results for good – I would love to help you.

(Check out my Client Results page to see how many women just like you have reached their goals through Online Coaching)

You can find more about having me on your team here:

Online Weight Loss Coaching with Hayley